seymour mace

here's a transcript of the bar jokes sketch I liked (see last post!) by seymour mace:

a ghost, a white horse, a bloke with a giraffe, a polar bear, another horse, a penguin, another bloke, a piece of string, a duck, another bloke with another penguin and an elephant all walk into a bar.

they all ask for a pint, except the single penguin who asks the barman if he's seen his brother, and the bloke with the giraffe asks for a pint for the giraffe too.
the barman says 'we don't serve spirits, we've got a whisky named after you, there you go, one-eighty-five, why the long face? what does he look like, I hope you're not a piece of string, two-twenty, told you to take that penguin to the zoo, five-sixty-three, we don't get many elephants in here'.
some peanuts say 'looking good' and the cigarette machine says 'you're a ponce'.
the white horse says 'what? nay!'.
the bloke with the giraffe says 'one for me, one for the giraffe'.
the polar bear says, 'okay'.
the piece of string says 'I'm afraid not'.
the man with the duck says 'what's going on here'.
the duck says you can put it on my bill'.
the bloke with the penguin says 'I took them to the zoo, now I'm going to take them to the pictures'.
the elephant says 'at five-sixty-three a pint I'm not surprised!'.
the barman says 'there you go, why the big pause?, the peanuts are complimentary, and the fag machine's out of order'.
the bloke with the giraffe gets out to leave and the giraffe collapses on the way out.
the polar bear says 'to hack through the ice in the arctic'.
the barman says 'you can't leave that lying there'.
...and the bloke says 'it's not a lion it's a giraffe!'