macy gray

"though I try to hide it, it's clear
I wear goggles when you are not here"

happy new year folks!

phil
(posting again)

nooma

if you've heard of 'nooma' by rob bell, you may appreciate this

to hull with blogging

look - I go to hull! thankspaul

modern art

whilst walking from christchurch park today, I passed two ladies walking towards the park - and heard this comment (presumably on feeding the ducks):

"that'd make a great art project. just get a paddling pool, fill it with water, and chuck a ****load of bread in it"


I agree. t'would make a good social commentary, I feel.

your mum

yesterday I made the classic mistake of chatting to a friend when I saw her as I walked into the cinema... she was sat with someone, and ready to be charming, friendly and nice - I asked if it was her mother. it was not. error.

I also got mistaken for a (female) prostitute on monday. by the police, no less.

what a fun week. those are my two anecdotes ever though, so if you see me - don't expect conversation.

happypaul?

drunk on mys***e

last night I stayed at home and got drunk with my 162 gazillion myspace friends and tom. it was hillarious, we even took photos of ourselves in the mirror, it was crazy! then jimmy, aged twelve from slough told us about this blog he once wrote about google, and it was so funny. we were lol and rofl all night. it was fun.

oh, and you'll never guess what, jenny blogged about moonbeam who had read this post in darkhorse803's comments that said that lilmissinterweb666 accepted and add from beckaizfit and chavsrchav in the same night! El-oh-el - noob!

saddam - should he be hung?

today saddam hussein was sentenced to death by hanging for the killing of 148 people in dujail in 1982. a spokesman from the whitehouse said "it's a good day for the iraqi people".

do you agree? I think I disagree, because currently I'm opposed to the death penalty. although it wouldn't take much to sway me, I shouldn't think.

...so who'll take islamic law first; the uk or usa?

channel 4 news

last night on channel 4 news, there was a report on climate change, which ended with the following:

"...but most agree that the guy fawkes contribution to the global warming situation was negligible."

it then cut back to krishnan guru-murthy who half mumbled:

"of course it was, he didn't blow up parliament."

brilliant.

whiplash m. wafer

today I received an email from a "whiplash m. wafer". just thought I ought to mention it incase he/she stops sending spam and becomes famous.

fear + driving

there's nothing to fear except fear itself. and hippies

being able to drive and not having a car is like having clothes but being unable to wear them. except less awkward when you meet new people

bigger ball

yes, I'm going to have a winter ball - hopefully. I've half got someone to teach ballroom, now all I need is venue and date suggestions. and an idea as to what day to have it on. ha.

but seriously.

burka grove

news 3

dave's confusion

michael j fox and jamie foxx. particularly funny when you realise he was asking if jamie foxx played face in the a-team...

i'm a loser

the 'B' team

capt h.m. 'howling mad' murdoch: jim carrey
sgt bosco albert 'b.a.' baracus: ving rhames
lt templeton 'the faceman' peck: ________
col john 'hannibal' smith: ________

suggestions please...

the 'C' team

capt h.m. 'howling mad' murdoch: ________
sgt bosco albert 'b.a.' baracus: chris eubank
lt templeton 'the faceman' peck: jonathan ross
col john 'hannibal' smith: ________

suggestions please...

afflictionary

pt 1. act out the following:
constipation
diarrhoea
runny nose
the bubonic plague
measles
chicken pox
fleas

pt 2. invent new afflictions, e.g:
postman's pouch
jogger's nipple
doberman's kiss
jippy knee
fiddler's elbow

you can't polish a turd

response 1:
you can if you freeze it

response 2:
you just need a lot of polish.

hot dogs

just ate a baguette and 8 hotdogs (I got up late, was late for work, missed showering and breakfast) - they said it couldn't be done! mmm...

history boys

this is the gayest film I've seen, ever. the basic summary of it is as follows:
those that can, do - and those that like touching children, teach.
and yet, it's a good, clever and funny film. starring wayne rooney.

alive!

my snail that looked dead is still alive. so two free giant african land snails to whoever wants them. just email me and promise you'll look after them better than I did. not hard.

all they need is some green stuff every couple of weeks, and maybe a cuttle fish if you want to treat them. I haven't fed them for **** weeks now and they're still alive, so not hard to look after. honest!

oh, and you have to clean them out every once in a while. they come free with a tub though!

ahead of the game

according to this, all the cool kids are quitting mys***e. what will happen all the "emo's" now? perhaps they'll have to make billions of actual friends...

goooogle

someone said on saturday...

"...dad said, 'what would you do if google hadn't been invented?' I said 'I guess we'd all just wonder, wouldn't we?'"

Girls Allah'd

autograph signing

paul

michael from lost



















paul from ipswich

mys***e

despite my 'disagreement' with mys***e, I found that it's the only place where you can stream the whole scissor sisters album... free!

click the title to go to the site!

*sings* I don't feel like dancin', no sir no dancin' today!

newsletter 2, return of the news

chav

yesterday, my boss referred to me as a chav! to his son!

just look at all that italics

simply theakston

'this guy' from simple plan looks like jamie theakston pulling a face. agree?

ear

pierced my ear today with an awl. fun fun! don't worry, it was the 'right' one

bye-bye mys***e

right at your door

if you thought phonebooth was tedious, dire and boring; watch this

news

hi, if anyone's so keen to know how my gap year's going that they want to get a 'newsletter', email me

not necessarily biblical

you know, if God had been given the world as flatpack because connexions was chucking it out, then he realised he needed to move it upstairs but it wouldn't fit, had to take it to pieces, remove a door frame, carry it up with Ian and have to put it back together again without instructions, I reckon he might have taken more than 6 days. on the other hand, Ian was a big help. with the flatpack, not creation. *muddled*

treehouse

just demolished my treehouse with almost as much gusto as when I built it. didn't stab myself once, although did have to go fishing for my machete at one stage.

also, I can't help but reccoment a song; 'crazy' by simple plan. click here and listen to it then buy it. the lyrics are what I love the most

hayley

chris took this photo of hayley being attacked by an enraged beast

















why it has such a queer smile I do not know

virtual room

for those who are yet to visit; here's my new virtual room... (it's a little wonky)

• a bulb. 2 for 44p
• by other people - honest! hayley calls it my 'shrine'
• case of books including one about drawing bible stories. rock on
• da big bag of tshirts. innit
• everyone's favourite postcard; "if you're happy and you know it you're unusual"
• free poster. because i got it from the internet
  
• good picture of me (another) by helen
• how on earth did i fit a record player in my room...
• interesting poster, same text as this
  
• just my gap year funds/piggy bank
• kool painting by sammi mitsen
• look - all my tins of food
• mmm... under-bed storage
• no hat-stand yet
• oh no, it's the same cd player as on the left
• phone exchange
• quite possibly the comfiest shoes in the world. ever
• really tightly packed drawers
• 's'a fireplace
• this says "pray, that whenever I open my mouth words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel. ephesians 6.19
  
• unorthodox, apparently I am. according to these. actually, perhaps just secretly orthodox
• very important - criminal records
• whatever wouldn't fit elsewhere
• xtreme squash. better than netball
• yes, i'm bored of writing this. this was toast in the post
• z-----recipes

free photo prints

at snapfish you get 20 free photo prints from your digi camera. if you want this, feel free to email me so I can send you a different link that'll get me 20 free prints, too. and they're totally free, yay!

also, markicus has some funny youth leader jokes up. if you're into that...

snail a la ale

as some of my readership may know - I inherited Henry's unwanted 'Christmas' snails. two of them, to be precise. in case you were curious, here's some facts about them:

• they're called bill and ben
• they need half a cuttle fish every 2 weeks or they'll absorb nutrients from each others' shells instead
• they are hermaphrodites
• rhiannon's been looking after them, and it's been giving her mum nightmares
• they lay on average 200 eggs per clutch, and lay 5-6 clutches per year
• the eggs have about a 90% viability
• if my calculations are correct, then, 2 x 200 x 5 x 0.9 gives me 1800 1st generation snails in a year
• they take about 4 months to reach maturity and can grow up to 7 or 8 cm tall and 20 cm long
• they are apparently giant african snails

I also found a really good site for snail recipes. snail in ale shall be my first attempt, I think. photos may follow.

also, anyone wanting to bring a pizza round instead of snail's welcome to - just send me a text or drop by! as of tomorrow I'll be living here.

away

since I last posted I've been to sizewell, turkey and wetheringsett. tomorrow I move to ipswich, and monday week* I start work. I presume then I'll have access to some sort of computing device, so all is not lost, gareth. if all else fails, ipswich library are gonna love me.

*thought it was monday, but things change, so a week more holiday!!

oh, and gareth - do you reckon we could make it 'til Christmas not communicating to each other except through blog? that would be fun.

daily sudoku

[print version]

Visit www.dailysudoku.com for more puzzles, solutions, hints, books and other resources.

gareth gates

today I wondered what happened to gareth gates and why he's no longer famous. I found out. there is good news though. perhaps.

more zooball photos

here and here

and while we're at it, the best end to a story...

...and I got the last laugh because they were all mute!

zooball

for those interested, here are zoo photos (other people took some)

here are ball photos (other people took all)

and the ball raised £320, thanks!

----a few better photos here, thanks phil----

amazing lyricist or evil scam artist?

ian wright. two songs, one tune. one rhyme, one faith, one l---- wait a moment.

anyway, was ian wright such an amzing songwrighter that he could get away with one rhyme and one tune for two songs? namely:

"ian wright wright wright"
"carpet right right right"

and does he own carpet right, or did they simply buy the song off him? did they, in fact, purchase the song by giving him the company? questions, questions...

apparently he's in the "top 100 black britons". they don't say what place, I reckon near top. all this despite being from woolwich.

for more fascinating ian wright facts, visit arseweb.com. go on...

and then come ballroom dancing!

playlist

still sorting music for said ball. the kind mister walley has offered to make me a playlist - but in case anyone else wants to too - feel free.

having just downloaded now 63 (thinking it was the latest - I'm about to get 64), though - I'm thinking music shall be good. anyone ballrooming to 'my humps'??!

balls

yes, just a week 'til my ball. if you've not heard about it, a thousand apologies. please follow the link and come!

if you have heard about it, have told me you're coming, and want to know where it is - here's a map. foolproof.

bathing suit

right, I need a full body men's bathing suit. preferrably by the 5th August. anyone want to sell me one? redand white stripes prefferable. or blue and white

brett dennen - ain't no reason

stream this beautiful song here,
buy his debut album here,
wait for his beautiful new album so much more
or visit his website here..

trust

these are people to trust to...


loan you money






provide your mobile phone service







manage your finances
















provide your home with gas







insure your car









deliver your mail






run your country*















*sorry, cheap shot. beats the alternatives, I think. especially that 'Howie' fella.

adam #1

mindshock

tonight I watched a documentary on channel 4 about feral children. it was tastefully done (totally unexpected, actually) - and really quite interesting.

I'm still not sure whether or not I think it's ethically okay to have a tv show based around a 'group'* of people like this though. especially after overhearing my sister and dad talk; "so what were you watching? anything interesting?" "feral children."



*I also think it's very wrong that individual children with individual cognitive and social development problems stemming often from early neglect and deprivation can be 'grouped', but maybe it's helpful, too.



for those of you reading this website for something to make you smile (what?! I do!):

camping is in-tents.

you've made your bed...

now lion it.

buy ball tickets online

3rdaugo6

8-12

aneveningofballroomdancing
thorndonvillagehall
formaldress
tuition830-930
baravailable
tickets£10
raisingmoneyformygapyear

emailfordetails

google

woo, search for the real Phil Brown in google - and guess where you end up..?

also, buy ball tickets - punks!

have a ball

hey, tickets on sale NOW for my ball - 3rd August, Thorndon village hall - 8-12 with an hour's latin/ballroom tuition there somewhere and general help if you get stuck. and just music and dancing, really. anyway, need to sell tickets, so tell people! £10 a ticket, money's towards my gap year - if that's not a good enough cause for you, tell me and I'll persuade you otherwise!

anyway, email
for details/tickets - one day soon you may even be able to buy tickets online, who knows.

sheila

the saddest song I've heard in a long while; watch the video here.

also, exams over. went well! rock on...

fred and friends

this if fred.

















fred met the chuckle brothers.

he also exists.

seymour mace

here's a transcript of the bar jokes sketch I liked (see last post!) by seymour mace:

a ghost, a white horse, a bloke with a giraffe, a polar bear, another horse, a penguin, another bloke, a piece of string, a duck, another bloke with another penguin and an elephant all walk into a bar.

they all ask for a pint, except the single penguin who asks the barman if he's seen his brother, and the bloke with the giraffe asks for a pint for the giraffe too.
the barman says 'we don't serve spirits, we've got a whisky named after you, there you go, one-eighty-five, why the long face? what does he look like, I hope you're not a piece of string, two-twenty, told you to take that penguin to the zoo, five-sixty-three, we don't get many elephants in here'.
some peanuts say 'looking good' and the cigarette machine says 'you're a ponce'.
the white horse says 'what? nay!'.
the bloke with the giraffe says 'one for me, one for the giraffe'.
the polar bear says, 'okay'.
the piece of string says 'I'm afraid not'.
the man with the duck says 'what's going on here'.
the duck says you can put it on my bill'.
the bloke with the penguin says 'I took them to the zoo, now I'm going to take them to the pictures'.
the elephant says 'at five-sixty-three a pint I'm not surprised!'.
the barman says 'there you go, why the big pause?, the peanuts are complimentary, and the fag machine's out of order'.
the bloke with the giraffe gets out to leave and the giraffe collapses on the way out.
the polar bear says 'to hack through the ice in the arctic'.
the barman says 'you can't leave that lying there'.
...and the bloke says 'it's not a lion it's a giraffe!'

funny comedy

bbc radio 4 do an awesome show on wednesdays called 28 acts in 28 minutes. listen to the last show here. the bar jokes sketch is the best!

unforgivable sin

my pc:

special relativity and length contraction

a train (30 m long, at rest) passes through a tunnel (30 m long, at rest). there are lights at either end of the train, the rear one turns on as it enters the tunnel, and the front one, as it exits.

to an observer on the train (in the middle of it), the lights turn on simultaneously, indicating that, from his frame of reference, the train is the same length as the tunnel. to an observer standing in the tunnel, however, it is too late.

fred

this is fred. he likes mud. he also exists.

would the real phil brown please sit down. clown.

right, from now on if you email me at my (ex) hotmail address, no luck for you - fool! if you're trying to chat to me on msn and I don't remember who you are, that is because I forgot, plain and simple. not because I don't care, but because you don't. or something.

a day for name dropping...

it's official. according to wikipedia, neither nelly furtado, lolly, daphne nor celeste were the same person. conspiracy=failed.

daphne and celeste did, however, cover alice cooper's 'school's out'.

 

I still contest that elvis, marilyn monroe, jfk, john lennon, princess diana and tupac are all actually just on an island in the philippines (there are approximately 6407 'uninhabited' islands there - winner!), and just wanted a break from the press. they also kidnapped barry white to sing for them. he is currently on hunger strike, and has lost michael jackson's weight several times over.

puppy portrait

here's a photo I took of my puppy...

arabian gulf

*click*

what I am

okay, so today I heard a song, and vaguely recognised it - enough to think "I remember liking the original version..."

it's emma bunton. oh well.

what goes jingle, jingle, snikt?

a morris dancer being executed by guillotine

news flash

h----y wins competition with censorship plea.

doing competitions

yes, to jump on a bandwagon - it's caption/photoshopping competition time...














email any entries to themusingsofphil@googlemail.com or else I'll have to make one up to pretend you care. yes, you.

mickey mouse

today - I was set the challenge of a mickey mouse rubik's cube. I failed...

[more photos now online...]

philbrown.co.nr

well, now one can get here from philbrown.co.nr. what that does for society though, I haven't yet figured.

...but now it's legal!

shameless

shameless quotes from a stupid email forward that I asked for:

• life is sexually transmitted
• health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
• the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth
• some people are like slinkies. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
• health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
• whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

samuel beckett once said;
every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.























...but then again, he said it.

more from the pope...

I forgot to add ages ago that I was perhaps a little sorry for my anti-papist remarks a while back... to make up for them, I shall reccomend benedict xvi's myspace site...

ghostbear

this is by 'natalie dee'. probably the second best artist I know to banksy.

new motoring rules

in order to assist other motorists in identifying potentially dangerous drivers, it is now compulsory for anyone with a lower than average iq and driving ability to display a warning flag.

the flag, comprising of a red cross on a white background, will be attached to the top of at least one door of their vehicle.

for drivers of exceptionally low mental ability, additional flags are required.

interfauna

yes, this was the best idea I've had since considering... no, that can wait - I might surprise someone.

but anyway - interfauna. unfortunately, it's been already invented by this company. they are, however, rubbish - especially with comparison to, say, these guys.

this fellow seems to get the picture, though...

monkey talk

"pyow pyow pyow... hack hack hack" are the words of monkies, according to a recent times article.

scientists postulate that 'hack' means 'eagle' and 'pyow' means 'leopard'. obviously these scientist have never talked to kill bill fans or been into a sword shop/army surplus store.

diamonds

"if God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor"

~joan rivers

mys***e

this is why mys***e is bad. just bad.

the sinfulness of sin

the sinfulness of the sinner's sin and his need for salvation speaks for itself

I pity the fool... in hell!

ok, because I have better things to do than write stuff here (like minesweeper, yay!) - I haven't got round to my post on mister T, however - here's a snippet...

mr T is a born again Christian. that means he will be in heaven. yay!

he announced in 2005 “no, T, you can never wear your gold again. it's an insult to God." this is presumably because the chains he's famous for wearing are 'trophies' from his days as a bouncer.

he was a famous bodyguard as well, at the start of his career, and is quoted saying "next to God, there is no greater protector than I."

in october this year he is scheduled to run a tv show called "I pity the fool" in which he assists those in need.

mr T > jom from jim'll fix it.
fact.

ducks, ducks ducks

things I drew today in maths:




















cath's criticisms:

[cow pic]

• cow has hood on so can't read sign pointing to where they should go
• cows can't read
• bone sticking out looks distastful.

cath did not understand which way the sign was pointing.

[ducks pic]

• they can't wear hats because the way their heads are shaped [she said 'but they have round heads!']
• ducks can't shoot guns - lack of opposable thumbs [I managed to convince her they can]
• can't put hat on (see above reasoning)
• can't reload gun
• small ducks = ducklings
• ducks size [what?! their relative size?! one's obviously the leader!]

chris's criticisms:

• they use machine guns now. [I presume a criticism of the ducks pic]
  

-what is it good for?

wow, check out this catalogue Fred found...

also, there's a very good video to watch here

I need

according to google;

• Phil needs a new act
• dr. Phil needs to help at&t
• saint Phil needs a blog
• Phil needs your help today to fight the Schwarzenegger fundraising machine
• Phil needs to be starting at center midfield. [he is a playmaker]
• Phil needs a born again experience with Jesus Christ
• Phil needshelp...
• dr. Phil needs an attitude makeover
• choo choo Phil needs prayer
• Phil needs to check for mozilla promotion on their site
• dr. Phil needs a wakeup call and this suit could be it

and that's about it...

political irony

this isn't so funny written down, but here goes...

[indian accent]
"vote BNP"

I told you it wasn't. and don't.

**coming soon: mr t; the facts**
(yeah, there's more important things to do for now than 'blog')

right guard xtreme!

yes, right guard 'xtreme' is truly xtreme. my latest brand of deoderant (it was buy-1-get-1-free), it's rather good, although kind of like spray glue.

it even has a 'safety', which I really ought to use. almost blinded myself this morning, it was scary.

iBelieve

mcf are now podcasting. respect.

ghost'd

skinnaaaaaaa

I'm not tryin to diss the streets
say vey have no vari-u-ee
what I fink you will agree
'ee was better when 'ee wozn't faymuss.


n.b. I actually think there could be amazing lyrical genious in mike skinner, but as for "vari-u-ee" in how it's expressed, hmm...

a quote from maggie...

being powerful is like being a lady.

if you have to tell people you are, you aren't

margaret thatcher

cool song

click the link on this site for a really cool song...

photos

yes, you can now see all the photos I upload by clicking here or on the links bar, right. so far they're mainly just fun mess-around shots from the past couple of days. winner.

shorts

yes, today I [also] wore shorts. they started off as trousers, but it got hot and I borrowed some scissors. frustrating really, 'cos I then remembered I was off to the theatre and so had to wear other trousers, which made me forget to take a letter that was in the now 'short' pair. oh well.

also, I found out that the reason everyone's commented on my leather tie is not because it's novel, but 'kinky'. I wish I'd been informed of this before I wore it to the theatre. ah well.

camera update v

it arrived. it's beyond my wildest dreams...

also, I may get some money off as the guy appears to have ripped me off partially battery/memory-wise, but I'm happy. photos to appear soon.

emo philips quote

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them

camera update iv

I'm in durham. here it is very lovely. the weather is nice, and the people are awesome (so far).

to add to the happiness, I'm told there's a camera-sized parcel waiting for me at home. who knows.

christian science

it looks like "christianscientists" are being put to good use - click here. now that's the kind of stuff that deserves articles.

reasons to be a goth*

• you like ipswich town hall
• you fell in a thorn bush
• you don't like your mum
• marilyn manson is your mum
• all your friends are blonde and you're not
• your whites went dark grey in a mixed load
• it's like being a ninja who's just given up
• you don't play cricket
• your tracksuit and trainers are now "chav"
• it's one step away from that boyzone-style undercut you had
• you thought "poison" was french
• you're no longer a papist, but like that crucifix
• you're colourblind and have 'matching' issues
• you own a sword shop
• you've run out of shampoo
• your eyeliner slipped
• you're a boy, and your "friend"s eyeliner slipped

*3 or more to qualify.

tribute

a tribute to ipswich town hall:

somewhere over a crossbow
I want to die.
I like black so I dyed my hair
and it makes me cry.

somewhere I've got no piercings
that's a lie.
if my mum doesn't like them
why, oh, why can't I?

bears

• "bear with me" - what?!
• "bear left" - where?!
• "bear hands" - aargh!

the noise was good today.

anecdote of the day - the one with the wok

ok, so I need a frying pan, right... [so far this sounds like one of sparticus's stories...]

{start.anecdote}

anyway, I go into tesco, and see tesco value frying pans and tesco value woks. now the tesco value woks are cheaper, and the labels are all mixed up already, but despite my confusion [maybe the pans aisle was trying to tell me something] I take a tesco value frying pan with a tesco value wok label on it down from the shelf.

anyway, then - as I always do - I check out the hat aisle.

error. [uh-oh, this really is...]

actually, today - there are no hats [that I haven't already tried on and don't fit, don't own, or don't suit]. there is, however, a lovely sleeveless pullover and some trousers, which I need. I decide to try them on, and so am now standing in the queue with a pair of trousers, a sleeveless pullover, and a tesco value frying pan.

I make pleasant conversation with the lady to my left, who is waiting for her ac/dc-t-shirt-wearing-son to finish trying on his clothes. she expresses her fear that I might club her. I hadn't thought of that.

in our talking, she refers to the tesco value frying pan as a wok [having seen the label. she has obviously seriously considered her story for the police, post-clubbing)]. I am swift to correct her, saying "I'm making pancakes. why would I want a wok? they'd just be really fat". I laugh to myself at the thought of a really deep pancake.

{start.aside}

as a matter of fact, I do not intend to make pancakes with it, I intend to make injera. I do not want to waste this lady's time explaining this, though.

{end.aside}

the changing-room-attendant-lady [henceforth referered to as "lady.II"] now asks: "how many items have you got there?" to which I naturally answer, "two. unless you include the frying pan, but I'm planning on stealing that."

in the changing room, whilst unnerved by the unnatural amount of space inside [I think she may have thought I was disabled or, at the very least, handicapped], I begin cracking up as my next witty comment to lady.II enters my mind. I also realise that the trousers are a little on the small side. this is a shame, because they were reduced. in price.

so I step out of the tardis cubicle with my big number two tag, the trousers, the sleeveless pullover and the tesco value frying pan. lady.II [predictably] asks "how did you get on in there?" despite feeling a little interrogated, I explain that "the sleeveless pullover fits, but [wait for it...] the trousers and frying pan do not."

I then say [now here's the 'best' bit...] "maybe I'll try a wok", whilst indicating with my free hand hand where I might place it so as to appear an even more rotund robber.

{end.anecdote}

"what now?" you ask. now, I leave the trousers [not the ones I was wearing when I went in. I'm still wearing them, sicko!], pay for the sleeveless pullover and tesco value frying pan, and return to the dog who has been patiently waiting with my sister in the car. I drive home to find that the tesco value frying pan is rubbish.

in the process of paying, incidentally, I am asked several confusing questions. the first being "do you want to keep the hanger?" now normally, I would have answered this with confidence, but I merely mumbled a 'no thanks', eager to avoid any awkward "are-you-going-to-club-me?" glances.

I'm also asked if I am "collecting computers for schools vouchers". my mind answers no to this before I hear the word vouchers, but even then - I'm not so sure that I've exactly been 'collecting' them, either. in my mind, that defeats the point [I am, as yet, not an educational institution].

finally, I'm asked if I have a clubcard. I toy with the idea of giving my co-op share number, but realise that isn't funny. I don't even want to be in their stupid club anyway. stupidheads.

{start.afterthoughts}

• this is far too long to be considered an anecdote.

• maybe I should have bought the wok.

{end.afterthoughts}

{sleep}

camera update iii

no camera. pretty sure I've been scammed. it's only really annoying 'cos I've never been so regularly disappointed for such a long period of time before. on the plus side... it's the bank holiday weekend, yay!

job

wow. found out what actually doing some work feels like. I now wash up fridays and saturdays at the black horse, thorndon. it's a very good pub. go there.

a little tired now, but I guess that must be another symptom. enjoyed it whilst there though, but I'm sure that'll fade. rock on affording gap year, woo!

mouse skates

until I finally twigged, this just. well.

raven/crow/eagle

right, when I was little, I was actually told (and presumably convinced) that if I pouted, a large bird would land on my lip. I don't remember quite which bird, but hey.

then again, I also believed some 'bigger' boys when they told me that vultures would attack and eat my kid sister when she was in her pram. I reckon that's why I always ran with her. and maybe why it seemed like a good idea to push her down huge ramps and things...

girls

what is WITH shoes? I simply don't get it.

great ideas

• superliminal messaging
• subliminal massaging
• truncating an elephant

feuerfuchs

for some odd, odd reason - my feuerfuchs, or "fox of fire" has ceased to live. in honour of it, then, here is a list of fun things to go as to a fancy dress party where the theme is "f":

• fag
• fox
• fire
• firewall
• frog
• frenchman
• fireman
• firewoman
• finger
• "fil"
• fatty
• .....

iPope 1.0

- replaces the somewhat jewish iJesus
- a by-product of the fairly recent earth-God merger
- may even out-sell the recent dBrown
- you're no cathaholic without it!
- now with higher memory capacity and greater running speed

- features:
--- easy-to-use click wheel with complicated latin instructions
--- unfaultable software
--- comes in one colour
--- offline support at vatican hq
--- full 'purgatory hotline' support, with the guarrantee that it'll work again eventually if it breaks
--- occasional popecasts with free downloadable dogma
--- uploadable confessions for less than a cathedral cost
--- can be used along with the iPriest for a somewhat reliable connection with iGod

- accessories:
--- iSocks
--- iSandles.
--- (iSheath is unlikely to be available with the iPope 1.0)

- links:
--- a picture of the new iPope
--- the iPope background for your pc
--- a real(ly old) news story
--- and another
--- more features (apparently)
--- to order the USB cable
--- iPope trial
--- iPope music

n.b. all meant in good fun.

mcf

my church start a new 'topic' next week for sunday services, called 'daniel downloaded'. a thorough exposition on the life of daniel bedingfield.

I'm just truth-stretching - it's on another daniel, and looks like being good.

ace service today, too.

also, hear fom your mp!

go here

care not killing

a lethal injection is cheaper than a hospital bed for 5 years.

the assisted dying for the terminally ill bill aims to legalise assisted suicide, receives its second reading in the house of lords on 12 may.

if you think this is wrong/dangerous/at the very least, 'concerning'; contact your local MP and tell them. the care not killing website has a variety of draft letters you can use, if you haven't got a way with words.

they also suggest you write to a member of the house of lords (a 'peer'), preferrably one with an alphabetically close surname to you (so that not everyone mails !)

I've done the above.

this website is 47% good, 53% evil

*correct at time of going to press

batman got bullied, too

guns n roses

the whistling at the start of civil war by guns n roses is 'the animals went in two by two'*.

seriously.



*or, 'the ants go marching', if you're so inclined

'easter', as they say...

...the discovery of the coptic text of a “gospel of judas” and the publication of the da vinci code might appeal to a sense of mystery but did [do] not match the challenges posed by the resurrection...

...the modern response to the proclamation ‘Christ is risen!’ is likely to be, ‘ah, but you would say that, wouldn’t you? now what’s the real agenda?’...

...yet the new testament “was written by people who by writing what they did made themselves less powerful, not more. they were walking out into an unmapped territory, away from the safe places of political and religious influence . . . it was written by people who were still trying to find a language that would catch up with a reality bigger than they had expected. whatever this is, it is not about cover-ups, not about the secret agenda of power.”...

...the world’s praying and suffering christians were the real testament to the truth of the resurrection ... there are places where conversion to christianity is literally a matter of putting your life on the line ... whatever the gospel means in circumstances like that, it isn’t a cover-up for the sake of the powerful...

click here for the full article

camera update ii

still no camera. *sigh*

tired of phone psychics?

google 'adsense' ads on this site are getting funnier and funnier - click them or search to make me money though!! (look to the right)