the streets

"the streets are just a chav who's been given a keyboard for christmas and is talking over the demo tunes"

rev. ben askew

kev*

Sender:
kev hartwell
+447*********

Sent:
30-Jan-2007
23:37:01

Have you seen the
blog? We have 3
comments in the
same day!

that's right Kev. we rule.


_{*for those who didn't know - kev and I are now co-blogging}

what is the world coming to?

Where fellow felines bully each other. a cat needs an 'anger management' course. mr blobby had a career. what does a 'cat cousellor' do anyway? say 'there, there, im here now, I cant help unless you tell me?'

more ridiculous twaddle from people who get paid tonnes to 'talk to the animals' and give them what is probably paracetamol and granulated sugar.

dear oh dear....

this is what happens when Anglicans are allowed tothink for themselves:
u2-charist

someone please confirm its not 1st april...

also I am now alligning myself with Phil as new guest author, so if you dont like what I have to say, comment about it and we look popular anyway! win-win situation!

also: why did the mushroom go the party? because he's a fungi!

blood diamond

I saw this film on saturday night, and it was so good that if you can't afford to go and see it - or would otherwise not go and see it simply on my reccomendation, I'll pay for you to.

• if you're a christian, you really ought to see it for the incredible picture of God that it paints (it's not about God)

• if you know me, you really ought to see it because it all revolves around my 'home' and its neighbouring country.

for more info, click here
if you need money or more convincing, email me

predictive text

following the nice link from mark about 'book' being the new 'cool', here's an excerpt from a text I recieved today - see if you can spot the predictive text error...

"do u want me 2 spank u when we r outside?"^[1]

_{1. the correct answer is 'prank'}

pro's

a local minister, playing a poor game of pool with a young person. one guy watching says with sarcasm:

"you two look like pro's"

to which he replies:

"prostitutes?! this isn't snooker!"

256MB mp3 player, £4.97

wow... well done kev and tesco!

all your base

roses are red

roses are red
violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
and so am I

my pictures

today I drew some pictures.
the top 2 are to illustrate how little
civilisation has advanced since ninjas



















the bottom 2 are just for fun

lazy helen

helen is lazy.

_{and a pirate}

etymological dreaming

occasionally my best inspiration happens in dreams. last night was almost one of those nights. I dreamt the best joke in the whole world up...

all I remember is it involved 3 wise men, and was the caption to a cartoon I was frantically trying to create from old christmas cards before I forgot it... no such luck

points to whoever jogs my memory in this matter. and what do points mean..?^[1]

I also woke up with the word 'etymology' in my head, but I've forgotten what it means. oh, wait - google says:

study of the sources and development of words;
a history of a word

_{1. poultry}

to coin a phrase

who coined the phrase 'to coin a phrase'?

mock the week

on political correctness:

even political correctness itself has changed in the last few years. people forget that we used to just call it 'spastick gay talk'

on 'quotes you probably wouldn't find in the bible':

paul's third epistle to the corinthians. dear corinthians. I've written to you twice now. no reply. I don't know what it's like in corinth, but where I come from, that's just rude

remix 2

there’s a place where the streets shine
with the glory of the Lamb
only to be with you
only to be with you

thanks to paul oakley and u2 for this...

remix

now why'd you wanna go and put starz in their eyes
it's the same old story, well they just didn't realize
it's ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
and isn't it ironic...

thanks to just jack and alanis morissette for this...

doing shooting

if you could travel back in time, knowing what you know now - and ended up in a 18-year-old adolf hitler's bedroom with a gun, would you shoot him?

_{I probably would...
the best answer I've heard, though, was} "yes - but only in the leg"_!

the musings of gay black disabled phil

according to current government definitions, someone is 'disadvantaged' (for the purpose of making grant money available to them) if they are:

• disabled
• gay
• black
• 'ethnic'
  

what do you think? is this true where you live? and how on earth do gay people dress so well on a tight budget?^[1]

_{1. perhaps this isn't always true}

the bible

quote from a local pastor...

on shooting deer:

the trouble is moving them afterwards.
imagine trying to lift a mini, only floppy...

my new title

from now on, my name is

Phil Brown,
Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea

thankyou

on cloning...

"why would we want to bring back extinct animals? they're extinct for a reason, they're rubbish! who would want to bring back the dodo?
it's the same with endangered species, like the polar bear - what do they do?!"

rami malek

Rami Malek - what you'd get if Robbie Williams was a russian doll + you took off his outer shell to reveal his effeminate inner self. see for yourself

insomnia

after listening to some really awful music on town 102 at 1am today, on their 'insomniacs selecta' part of the show - I no longer feel any sympathy for my fellow troubled sleepers...

the pentagon

search for 'the pentagon' in google maps. it's scary!

dial-the-truth

a simple search for 'marilyn manson christian' in google came up with probably the most terrible site ever. if you want to be angered by christians, go here.

I do like the death counter, though - if anyone wants to make me one...

on the plus side, my little adventure helped me discover a fun way of destroying what you don't like on the internet - here. yay!

targeted advertising

the so-called 'targeted advertising' that appears by my emails with my google mail account (well worth getting!) - has shown me these in the last couple of days...

• The Family Toilet Seat
• Heavens Above Fireworks

nice. thankyou google.

famous christians

according to this list^[1], chuck norris is a christian.

rock on

_{1. found by the infamous ben askew via nothing less than a google search for 'famous christians'}

alanis morissette

"I like alanis morissette, but I'm not a bitter man-hater
isn't it ironic"