bible in a nutshell

spam spam spam

every time I check my email I'm given recipes containing spam. good ol' google.

...according to wikipedia...
the term spam is derived from the monty python spam* sketch, set in a cafe where everything on the menu includes spam luncheon meat. as the server recites the spam-filled menu, presently a chorus of viking patrons drowns out all normal conversation with a song, repeating "spam, spam, spam, spam" and singing "lovely spam, wonderful spam" over and over again, stopping all conversation, hence spamming the dialogue. the excessive amount of spam in the sketch comes from british rationing in world war 2. spam was one of the few foods that was not restricted and widely available, so by the time of the sketch, the british were fed up with the luncheon meat. another similarity is that everything on the menu comes with spam, therefore representing that you can't order something without receiving something you don't want, much like one can't be active on the internet and never have spam sent to your e-mail address(es).


*spam stands for specially processed american meat

christian cartoons

when checking I hadn't stolen that cartoon idea subconciously, I came across these:
moses is a lifeguard (he should really be shouting 'no petting!')
moses and the 10 condiments
jesus saves
weak, weak.

french

hmm, I'm currently talking to two random french girls who I don't know. they have a webcam. surreal.
also, I played squash. and went to aldi, and got some second hand roller blades for a pound. they're not as good as my 'flash gliders' though, and I've forgotten how to skate. oh well.
and I got a cowboy hat. be warned.

cheese eating surrender monkies!



...just kidding.

ironic

the best cartoon I've ever concieved.
I drew it immediately late last night.

wally

where's wally?

hooray for where's wally! how generous of them, to make large hardback books specifically designed for leaning on...

school

yes, proper beano-style, school's been cancelled tomorrow due to a teacher strike... the head told us all we'd better not go interfering at other schools - what a good idea, hmm...

democracy

a while ago, two of my friends bought some egg fried rice. it cost £2.30. one put £1.30 towards it, and the other, £1. the one who put £1.30 towards it got to eat it all. that's democracy for you.


n.b. monetary values may have been altered in my head.

art

all I know about art I learnt from the ninja turtles.

like turtles aren't very good at art.

...shakespeare walks into a bar

good morning sunshine, the world says hello! today I had the pleasure of waking up and without having done anything to deserve it, realising that an hour of my life had been taken away. hope I get it back...

the rest of the day was uneventful, however. on the plus side, I learnt about herodes archelaos, herodes antipas and herod philip.

I win, good night.

phil's poem of the today

absurdity

dogs and doileys
on the nine o'clock news,
tumbling trumpets
and shiny shoes,
mugs and mangles
in our worn-out world,
trouble our toes and
touch on absurd.

gap year

fancy helping fund my gap year? click on the google links, and I get money. rock on. or don't. see my poems!

babysitting...

wow, been babysitting since 0830 this morning. how crazy. only 'til 1100, I think - but that was a lovely surprise to wake up to... hmm, I need to write some letters, I feel... and do some homework, but somehow that just doesn't appeal the same way!

...and you needed to know that because..?

sonic and crossbows

found a crossbow for £9.99 (inc. p+p) on t'internet today. also found a sega megadrive for around the same price (but doesn't include sonic, street racer, bomberman and street fighter, or any cables) - what do I do? maybe just enjoy my roller-shoe-thingummys some more...

yeah, that's it...

like a grape... touched for the very first time

…the quran is beautifully written, but often obscure. one reason is that the arabic language was born as a written language with the quran, and there’s growing evidence that many of the words were syriac or aramaic.

For example, the quran says martyrs going to heaven will get “hur,” and the word was taken by early commentators to mean “virgins,” hence those 72 consorts. but in aramaic, hur meant “white” and was commonly used to mean “white grapes.”

how gutted would you be (if you were a suicide bomber)?! and when would you eat the grapes? maybe ration yourself to one every thousand years, but then there's still the rest of eternity where you're grapeless! it's paradise, so they'd have to be seedless grapes, but then you couldn't use them to grow more grapes, aargh! catch 72! if virgins, why so many, and if grapes, why so few? maybe I should give up on mohammed, he's rubbish.

islamic law

there is a trial going on in afghanistan at the moment of Abdul Rahman, a 41-year-old afghan who became a christian at 25. the judge, Alhaj Ansarullah Mawlawy Zada, who will be trying his case said this:

"in your country (britain) two women can marry*; that is very strange. in this country we have the perfect constitution, it is islamic law and it is illegal to be a christian and it should be punished.”

hmm...



*just to point out, they can't actually mary, they can have enter into a civil partnership. there's a difference.

rolling on sunshine

yes, yes, and verily I say unto thee yes! I got my roller-thingummys today - winner! sadly I'm not very good on them at all yet, and my ankles hurt a bit, but one day, my friend, one day I'll be pro...

they also have REALLY cool lights on the wheels. seriously.

also, my cousin had a baby this morning. apparently.

big yellow taxi

as much as I appreciate joni mitchell, I have decided that I don't entirely agree. I DO care about spots on my apples. not so much as to refuse to eat an apple because it doesn't look like wax, but enough to have apple preferences. is that so wrong?

russian

I can now say in russian:
clown, window, goodbye. no, clown, no! yesss...
can't write it though, so maybe I wouldn't get by in moscow after all...

roller king

I am awesome. just bought roller-clips for the back of my trainers. if they arrive tomorrow, it would make my year. doubt they will, but hey. take a look, here! how awesome?! not quite up to the motorised ones I saw - 0-20 in 17 seconds. no joke.

and I have a tiger. he's called Tigey

war, what is it good for?

I am at war. not with social injustice, poverty, unfair regime, unjust governing bodies, pokemon, or anything like that (to the extent to which I should be). except perhaps the pokemon one.

but no! I am at war with a fellow library-user! I have a sneaky, sneaky sneaky feeling that we're both after the same book. when I first reserved it, he *had it checked out. I then got it in a couple of weeks' time, and started reading it. when the time came to renew it, the dastardly villain had reserved it himself*!

after much deliberation, I decided the only thing to do (because I obviously haven't finished reading it) is to re-renew it immediately after returning it. I'll have probably forgotten where I was and have to start again, but then again, so will he*.

mwahahahahahahaaaa...

that's it. don't you wish you had better things to do. if you don't, play the game I do where I imagine what this person looks like. I reckon they look like an evil version of me. with a monobrow, and maybe scars. we shall see, my nemesis...


*or she/herself - girls can read nowadays

(please read this)

spice, spice baby

according to my sources, the spice girls' planned re-union tour and single has been cancelled. drat.

(please read this)

привет клоун

yes; russian. yes; circus. the rumours are true. yes; those ones.
now I will rate the circus. yes; not just moscow state (circus), but every circus:

• clowns #1 = funny
• clowns #2 = whistly
• clowns #3 = thieving scum
• clowns female = transvestites
• acrobats = immense
• acrobat at the bottom = literally immense
• swing-y-round-y-in-the-roof-y acrobats = daredevil loons
• strong man = stupid but good teeth
• cube people = ultra-cool
• jugglers = cheeky
• ringmaster = not english
• clothing = minimal
• my russian = minimal essentials
• burger and drink = more than the ticket
• moon = cool red
• cold = very
• peter = blue

all in all, what you'd expect from a circus. jolly good fun.

(please read this)

democracy to dictatorship in 3 easy steps...

step one:
create a fancy-named bill such as the "legislative and regulatory reform bill" which permits ministers (i.e. yourself) to modify laws made in parliament.

step two:
get this bill passed on the condition that there will be strict laws (well, they're more like 'guidelines') around its use.

step three:
use your new legislative powers to remove or re-write the above laws, and hey presto - ultimate control.


serious voice:
this is happening in england now. write to your mp and ask them what one earth they're playing at...

shady's back

I'm not the real slim shady, but I am back. back again. after a fairly long, and relatively unnoticed absence, I'm back posting again. slightly ashamed that my last post was something so dull as trying to get myself an ipod, but maybe that's behind us.

hoping to make the rest of what I have to say here just marginally more relevant/interesting. so at least someone's hopeful.