LPod

Bobby McFerrin

sin and chocolate

I think sin is a bit like how I'm eating chocolate at the moment... everywhere I look at the moment, the temptation to eat chocolate is there... I know it won't be good for me in the long-term, but I see a bar of chocolate and think to myself "well, if I eat it now I'll get it out of the way and it won't be there to tempt me..." fool that I am!

"who will deliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24)

"praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed his people." (Luke 1:68)

this is a good poem... I'm trying to memorise it

today

I stayed up 'til afted midnight, but didn't meet santa! then I fell asleep but awoke to presents, yay! he does exist!

tomorrow eve

tonight I'm going to stay awake all the way until twelve o'clock to see if Santa comes... I hope he still brings me presents.

Sh*ft

did you know, if you press both shift keys at once, they don't cancel each other out...

a pound

a better way to fritter away the pennies. Does more than it says on the tin, too - click on the picture for more info.

free rice

through cunning and advertising, freerice.com gives you a word game that helps people. for each vocabulary question you get right, 20 grains of rice are donated to people who need it. check the website out.

tourrettes

today in pool I lost our doubles game after a spectacular shot by accidentally potting the black. I proceeded to get 7-balled in my singles match (trousers were dropped, 2 laps were completed) and then accidentally shouted 'tourrettes' when their captain was taking a shot against our captain in the deciding match. we won though, thanks to me.

harry potter

ok, so a friend of mine here is into 'Harry Potter fan fiction' online. basically people write stories about Harry and chums, and - unlike much neo-nazi literature - the stories are published on the internet for the world to see. here's a quote from the story I caught her part way through reading...


“But Dumbledore – it can’t be our baby!” Lily rubbed her belly, “you must be mistaken.”


no joke.

Kathryn's dad = Bill Nighy

uni

haven't posted in a while - been starting up at uni. it's a good laff... will do my best to post something funny or interesting when my brain has time to think of those sorts of things... meanwhile, don't eat anything I wouldn't.

neo nazi sci-fi

you're pretty... pretty looking!

"you're late." "you're stunning."

- yeah, good comeback..!

breast awareness

...like I need a leaflet!

faith

seeing without believing,

acting without knowing,

expecting without tangible guarantee

slippery slope

"if you sow a thought, you will reap an action,
if you sow an action, you will reap a habit,
if you sow a habit, you will reap a character,
and when you sow your character, you will reap a destiny"

~some guy who preached
a sermon about porn

robin hood

ok, so why is it that Americans can't pronounce Robin Hood "Robin Hood", and insist on "Robinhood"?

the fall of man

~Banksy

headlines

Maddy McCann - guilty or innocent?

Diana - pure evil or simply misinformed?

Hitler in cash for honours scandal



one day I will write the news, one day...

incest

ok, so today I got a letter from a second year maths-studying girl at Durham named Julia. she is pretty. not pretty something, just pretty.



anyway, the letter said "I'm your academic mother..." if I get stuck etc, she'll help me out.



when I kiss her, will it be like incest?

KJ-52 - fanmail

offset carbon emmisions

with every good website comes a cost. the amount you spend on electricity to view this website has probably killed pandas. if you feel incredibly guilty, simply click on the sunflower below and give me a pound. I will use it to plant a sun flower.

p.s. the pandas don't want you to stop visiting this website

on neighbours just now

sonnet 116

let me not to the marriage of true minds
admit impediments. love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove:

o no! it is an ever-fixed mark
that looks on tempests and is never shaken;
it is the star to every wand'ring bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
within his bending sickle's compass come;
love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
but bears it out even to the edge of doom:

if this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved

shakespeare

kanye west spice girls remix

prize to whoever makes me the best remix of kanye's 'stronger' (feat. daft punk sample) and spice girls' who do you think you are

"work it, make it, do it, makes us - who do you think you are?


trust it, use it, prove it, groove it, harder, better, faster, stronger"

air raid 'kills 80 Congo rebels'

"the army says that 180 rebel fighters have now been killed in recent days"


"up to 10,000 people have fled the latest fighting into Uganda"


"nine gorillas have been killed this year ...sparking outrage among conservationists"


""If anything happens to the mountain gorillas now, there is nothing we can do," said Norbert Mushenzi of the Congolese Institute for the Conservation of Nature"

bbc news

I say *censors* shut up, stupid conservationists

creating God

"you know you have created God in your own image, when you find that your God hates the same people that you do"

Lois Wilson

give your bits

donate your organs when you die. simple as. register here

hey there Delilah

buy this song, by Plain White T's

priest and rabbi

a priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.



however, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

...what do you think?

I believe that... just like with the yin and yang there's a masculine and feminine. I believe in that in a relationship. I believe that most of our problems... as people in general, is that we've forgotten our roles.

the men have forgotten their roles as men, therefore, the women have forgotten their roles. and that's where we get all this duplicity in lovemaking and duplicity in sexuality is because we've forgotten our roles and we're willing to settle for less...

Tupac Shakur

p.31

p.31 of my college's rules...

any students found picking the daffodils shall be hung, drawn and quartered at dawn on palace green.

chillow

(targeted) add of the day:

chillow - www.chillow.co.uk/BuyChillowOnline - revolutionary cooling pillow just £24.95. official UK site. buy now!

maths

"is Africa homophobic?"*

no. africa is a small gay country with aids and poverty and war and famine. it makes the news a heck of a lot though, considering how many black people live there.



but seriously, that's the title of a BBC online debate.*



on the other hand, the debate raises an interesting question. many of the comments made by nationals of African countries could be described as homophobic. if I agree with them, so am I - but if I disagree I'm a racist.



the world is stupid and makes me want to say swear words. grawrl.

*now changed to something more suitable

look around you

question: what colour is milk underneath its surface?
answer: black.

my office last year, now re-painted

Jesus alone 2

imagine if the end of Luke 2 (the bible) was like the end of home alone 2 (the film)...



Jesus: oh no. my family is in Florida and I'm in the temple... [gleefully] my family's in Florida... I'm in... the temple.



Joseph: Jesus! you spent nine hundred and sixty seven dollars on room service!



Jew: has he ever been in a situation where's been on his own?
Mary: as a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's become sort of a Barjoseph family travel tradition.
Joseph: funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.



Temple teacher: [seizes a brick] SUCK BRICK KID!



etc.

bunny

I was glad the rabbit died as we looked on.




It looked like it had myxomatosis and I had a 5 iron in my hand and that annoying thought playing on my mind that I really ought to be doing something...

from a text I received

"Hi sory I dint tb **** had a holy spirit expierence
last night n i totally 4got to tb!"

blood

yeah, ha ha - I fainted.

such a big girl's blouse. I was bear chuffed - had had no problems, and managed to squeeze out just under a pint (approx. the volume of both my hands) in 7 mins 27 - and then sat about for the 10 minutes after, like they said to...

in my last 10 seconds of that, I felt a bit queasy - but got up and went for my free squash and custard cremes.

only to find myself in the most incredible dream ever - with some idiot trying to interrupt. I realised later he was a nurse (yeah - you heard me right - he!) and I'd been out for about 10 seconds.

what made it worse was the fact that until that point I'd meant to comment to the pretty girl whose friend was having difficulty donating "maybe I should pretend to faint to make her feel better".

that'll teach me to be shallow.

I hope it was my orange squash I'd spilled on my shorts, and not sweat. or worse.

misquoted

misquoted factoid of the week:

"native americans - when they wanted to get up early in the morning - used to drink water. as many pints of water as the time they wanted to wake up..."

I'm gay

"I'm gay, am I still welcome here?"

said our pastor this morning at church.

he's married, with kids.

fortunately for them, he was introducing the title/topic for next week's service. it should be interesting - you should come. I'll give you a lift if you want, just ask!

eikon

mark

also, mark talks bible some.

update

you can eat some of my bonjella
ella
ella
ella.

sorry to have been absent for so long. just back from a week in Yorkshire looking after a dorm of 10 boys, aargh! now off for a week in charge of 8 boys in a tent. whoop!

phil

face book

I'm blogging about face book. how awful. today I saw a school friend in town, and it was nice to be able to shout "oh, and happy birthday!" as they walked away... and be right.

pound

hurry, hurry! iceland (shop in Ipswich, not country) are selling 4 quarter pounders for £1. you do the maths.

jobs

steve jobs sent my iPod back, and tesco sent my application back. gutted.

if anyone wants to offer me any summer work in my home area though, just let me know.

evanescence - everybody's fool

bma

what do you think of this? I've signed.

scrabble

just drew 297 each in a game of scrabble with Dad. penultimate score was 288-300 to him.

facebook

"facebook is sad"

Hayley Cornwell

longest day

today is the longest day ever. and I mean ever.

Germany

I'm back from Germany, and feeling so... I can't think of the word, but it's good!

oceans 13 review

oceans 13, whilst better than 12, didn't beat 11. that's not to say it wasn't very, very entertaining, however. see it and be counted 'in' on the italian jobs of our generation.

newsletter

new newsletter. download or read online

iPod cardboard update

iPod cardboard

today I invented the iPod cardboard. this was mostly because I posted my iPod mini (pink, found in a skip) to Steve Jobs because it's bust. maybe he'll give me a new one

lettuce

I have a lettuce (growing in a plant pot). he/she needs a name, and could do with a fixed gender. any ideas?

whoever has the best idea gets some of her/his leaves for salading purposes

addict'd

waiting on the world to change

John Mayer - waiting on the world to change

also, today I saw Nate James. he seemed nice

hollyoaks t'other day

"I love satin... it's so silky"

Carmel McQueen

turkey

yesterday, a couple of friends of mine who don't have houses gave me £10's worth of stuffed cook-from-frozen turkey^[1] from iceland, simply because they don't have any means of cooking it. made me think again about how generous I actually am - a lot less than I think!_{1. unfortunately for me, I was on my way home to cook a meal for a vegetarian friend. so I cooked and ate it after she'd gone}

your horoscope

aries - you're going to die
taurus - you're going to die
gemini - you're going to die
cancer - you're going to die
leo - you're going to die
virgo - you're going to die
libra - you're going to die
scorpio - you're going to die
sagittarius - you're going to die
capricorn - you're going to die
aquarius - you're going to die
pisces - you're going to die

thanks, chris

cooking

today I will be mostly cooking enchiladas. with apple crumble for dessert. but shhh...

penes n 'paste prank

5 boys in school year 8 shared a hut at the residential the other night. in the morning, one had been toothpasted and had shower gel and deoderant all over his hair. they'd all drawn penes on their faces so he wouldn't know who'd done it... not realising that it meant they were all in it together! fools...

skips

it's 9.38 and already I'm on my 4th pack of skips. 5-a-day, here I come! this one's going to be grand...

hotdog

today, I bought a large hotdog as comfort food. it was sooo tasty... except I accidentally asked for cheese, even though I disagreed with them charging me 15p for it, so didn't mean to.

the 'point' of this is, see - as I was walking along the road eating it, feeling a bit glum, I passed a 3 piece jazz band who were playing on the side of the road. their music was pleasant, and my gaze followed them as I walked past. at which point, one of the singers said/sang "hotdog!", and the song ended...

I smiled, and as I walked off heard the happy sound of a voice saying "and the next song we're going to play for you is called... hotdog", and the music started up again.

east 17 and coco pops

last night, I came home and slumped down on a big soft chair. my flatmate was watching 'east 17 re-united' on the telly, and I was debating whether or not coco pops would make me feel happy or even more sick. at that point, a coco pops advert came on tv, with the line "coco pops with milk make a bowl full of fun", so I decided to have some.

last night I dreamt that there was another similar band being reunited, only they were all girls (kind of like 'the collective'), and there were 5 of them - one of whom decided not to take part. so I was the honourary band member for the evening, which was great fun. except only 2 of them knew the dance moves, the rest of us were making them up. plus I didn't know the words we were miming to as they played through someone's iPod.

part way through, we all realised it was going belly-up, so decided to make our escape. we ran off the stage to one side, hoping the fans would think it was part of the act and that we would run on again the other side or something... at least, until it was too late for them to catch us. unfortunately though, half way down the stairs we were met by two female fans - one of which had dark hair and was brandishing a car aerial, saying that she paid good money for her ticket, and if we didn't go right back up there and perform...

so we did. *shudders*

James Dixon

wow. check out James Dixon's new album, 'sometimes'.

'rebs', 'summer rain' and 'time will hurt' should be enough to sell it to you. a couple of the tracks haven't been produced as well as I think would do him justice, but it's well worth a listen. I'll find out how to get hold of a copy for you, if you want...

Eritrea is free

on thursday, Eritrea celebrated 16 years of independence from Ethiopia. I was in Ethiopia when they first gained independence (I think), and remember Mum and Dad buying me a t-shirt which read "Eritrea is free".
on reading it, the colonialist in me was probably rubbing his grubby little mits with glee...

and on the down side, Eritrea still has no free press.

underneath

listen to the most beautiful yorkshire accent in an incredible song - underneath the stars. it's by kate rusby.

then remind yourself just how good underneath your clothes is, by shakira. not as good though.

and while you're at it, dear mr president by pink is somewhere in between the 2...

faster firefox

to speed up firefox - here's some ideas...

1. type about:config in the address bar and hit return. then filter to network.prefetch-next. double click it so it says 'false'.
2. right click on the about:config page and select new -> boolean. name it config.trim_on_minimize and make sure the value is set to 'true'.
   
3. on the about:config page, filter to network.http.pipelining. double click it so it says 'true', then double click on network.http.pipelining.maxrequests and enter a higher number like 40. set network.http.proxy.pipelining to 'true', too.
4. lastly, right click anywhere and select new -> integer. name it nglayout.initialpaint.delay and set its value to “0″.

here and here are where I last read these, and explain them a bit more.

snake still eating alligator

for some reason (anyone know?) this story is top of the bbc's 'most popular stories'. it's from october 2005, and contains the brilliant quote:

"clearly if they [snakes] can kill an alligator
they can kill other species"

Prof Frank Mazzotti

Gav's hedgehog

cat with bow golf

this is one of the best games I've ever played...

thanks "d_of_i"!

naked dave

thanks 'naked dave'

magic 8 balls

ever wonder where their mysterious powers come from..? read this


also, check out cat archery golf!

dream

had quite a bit of cheese before I slept last night, and then...
neil fox broke the law. well, as far as I know, he didn't actually break the law - it's just that the police were looking round his farm up in norfolk, next to weybread pits. he wasn't too pleased with it, as they were poking into all of his barns, so he thought the clever thing to do would be to get in his car and drive off. I joined him, as we sped away, on the run from the police. I suggested he simply parked the car at the next-door sailing club and waited 'til it all blew over, but he was certain they'd find him there. so we headed down to a canal, right by it, and he was preparing his yacht to set sail when suddenly from underwater, a police car drove up - and in true movie style, so did about 4 others, we were surrounded - trapped! I'd told him he should drive slower, oh well...

what do you get..?

"what do you get the person who has everything?":

the person who has everything should get... burgled.

also, see this

women, wine and song

"who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long."

Martin Luther

yesterday's attack

on sunday, 45 people were killed when a car loaded with explosives drove into the labour party building on silent street, Ipswich. it was the second suicide attack in mainly british area in the past week.

a car bombing in the same area last month killed 140 people, the bloodiest attack since the recent announcement.


<sub>actually, it didn't happen in Ipswich - it happened here.

most popular stories in the uk:
monday
"Madeleine father sure she is safe"
sunday
"Madeleine gran appeals for return"
saturday
"Madeleine reward rises to 2.5m"
friday
"Madeleine parents 'won't give up'"</sub>

africa

have a read of some of these articles from the bbc on various situations in various countries in Africa:

• Clinton - reducing the cost of aids drugs
• Ethiopia - winning the tussle with starbucks
• Liberia - the comfort of a rusting roof
• Uganda - someone's story

also, I'd like to take advantage of the fact you're reading this to just say how good God is. how good it is to be a Christian, and how good it is to be a part of the church I go to. a man I know from town who doesn't have a house got beaten up on thursday. some 'youths' dislocated his arm, kicked him about, urinated on his sleeping bag and through his passport, driver's license, photos of kids and £1.50 into a pond in the park.

he regained conciousness in hospital. he checked himself out the next day to discover he'd lost his stuff, and has nothing. he turned up at my church this morning, and to the credit of people there, he was cared for. a few people who knew him welcomed him, and he left not only having heard that God loves him, but havin been bought a blanket, a sleeping bag, and food for the next 5 days or so. he's coming back this evening, too.

to hear one lady say to him "I'd let you stay with me, but it's just me and my daughter" was incredible. that is the heart of God. as humans, we can't do everything. in fact, more often than not, all we can do is make a tiny difference to perhaps as much as one whole person. it's only God who will be able to fix the whole world and put things right, but that shouldn't stop us trying.

it shouldn't stop our hearts from breaking for others. it shouldn't stop us from crying at the state of things, but it should encourage us to press on through this life, knowing that there is a God who cares for us more deeply than we will ever know. it should inspire us to 'love', even when that doesn't mean 'convert'.

my God is good. all the time.

thou shalt always kill

have a listen to this song, here. some great stuff said, especially the best review of the beatles I've ever heard...

"the beatles, just a band"

_{thanks mark for introducing me to it and G for making me recognise it}

Steve and I said...

"if God is a god of second chances,
we must be people of second glances"

...there's a preach in there somewhere. ask me


this day, I have been mostly struggling to convert a coaxial signal to RCA. whatever that means (it's not a euphamism)

dream 9-10 May

last night I got really angry. angrier than I've probably ever been. in a dream. Gareth and I were putting crosses into the ground for graves at the African Village, and I was doing the manual work. Gareth was texting, or something... I asked if I was putting them out nice and orderly-ly, and he said yeah, that's fine. when I'd finished, he said I'd done it wrong, and we had to do it all over again. I was angry, but it was only a dream, not actual Gareth!

I also dreamed I was in Northgate school to do a lesson, so had my 'badge' on. I then eneded up sneaking about with a load of pupils, and climbing on the roof etc, where the skips were. suddenly, although it was during the day, I noticed the searchlight of a helicopter above me, so snuck back inside and climbed down. I made sure as I left to mention casually to the secretary that I'd seen a helicopter, and she made comment that some shifty bloke had been seen clambering about. I forced a surprised expression on my face and said 'oh, really?' as I left...

then I awoke

internet folk

from a comments under an online video of highlights from fifa world cup final 1966:


4 comments

torchimortchi: lol england win only by stupid ref
they win with a goal that was not a goal

tallulah: Do you know
my dad was born the same year england won the world cup (1966)

starwarz24: Awsome
That's so cool!

WannaBeHick: englands days of greatness!
wish i was there!


some people are useless

ebay

today someone found my ebay account details and started messing me about. gRr with a captial r. I've now changed my passwords (...or have I?) so that the same fool won't get into my email, but it's mighty frustrating...

chatty Cathy

if chatty Cathy was really unhappy
would anyone actually know?
or would she just say it all was ok
and shoulder it all on her own?

great britain

upside down, north and south america look like great britain. sort of

from this, I have decided that it's to do with continental drift. all continents once looked like great britain, but some expanded and thinned into 2 separate continents (like the americas)

"grawr"

from a website, via an email:

1. grawr is a word made up one day when i became really angry. its is "rawr" with some oomph.

"GRAWR! that test was really hard"

2. a growl Rawr Hybrid. It is a sign of anger, frustration, or any other synonym of the two.
it could be used as an animal noise.

"grawr! I forgot to do my calculus homework!"
"grawr says the... liger... grawr.

3. grawr. the sound a bear makes when agitated. this word is used similarly to "rawr" except for the fact that one does not wish to sound like a dinosaur or a scene kid, one wishes to sound like a bear.

"grawr! I'm a bear! fear me... becuase I'm a bear. and bears are scarier than dinosaurs because bears are a real threat."

4. it is the combination of grrrr...and rawr. It shows anger or a sign of random talking.

friend: "GRAWR! I'm late!"
me: "GRAWR"
friend: random...

5. a sort of friendly, silly word whch may have many meanings. used mainly on the internet,

1. in disagreement.
2. a sort of stupid monster sound.
3. first person: "hahahaahahaha my domos eat you!!"
second person: "no you shant!! grawr!!!"

...I prefer 'grawrl', myself

nes

the geek in me says modifying a nes controller
to work as a phone is very, very cool...
what do you think?

new york to Ipswich

see the driving instructions on google maps, here

note step 24,
"swim across the atlantic ocean 3,463 mi"

turn your ipod into an ipod shuffle

1. get a Post-It note
2. get your iPod
3. put the Post-It note on the iPod

now you can enjoy the ipod shuffle’s cool new features without having to buy a new player

_{from clarista.org}

breakfast

watched breakfast club last night, it's great. I'd probably say it's better than empire records, although I did have a huge fry-up with it and missed the first few minutes... definitely would watch again. probably even in top 5, who knows...

also, the word of yesterday: blackanese

rosettes and ribbons

blue ribbon - 1st
red ribbon - 2nd
white ribbon - 3rd
yellow ribbon - 4th
green ribbon - 5th
orange ribbon - 6th
purple ribbon - 7th
brown ribbon - 8th

...because everyone ought to know this

bear and me as elton/rod

pickled peppers

philip brown purchased a jar of pickled peppers

magnificent Phil in a flying machine

I'm going to germany to visit lizi, hurrah!

"trannie"

from the face book of dave...

laptop

for the past 2 days (or more), I've thought of nothing but laptops. that's an exagguration, somewhat, but basically I got it into my head that I needed a laptop for uni now. I couldn't focus on work or anything. now I've realised I don't, and that I am in fact an impulse buyer who likes to shop. I'll get it into my head quick as a flash that I need something and it'll take over.

sounds crazy. I realised it when writing some stuff for a boys' weekend I'm helping plan. I wrote:
money’s great! so is having stuff
the trouble is, they don’t provide ‘meaning’ for life
the more stuff you own, the more stuff owns you
...
what you have doesn’t define who you are so what’s the point?
Solomon realised you can’t take it with you when you die!

if you're reading this, read "Ecclesiastes" in the bible
(click here)
it's the 'journal' of Solomon, a king of Israel, as he searched for the meaning of life

quotes

what men call the supernatural is actually the natural not yet understood or revealed

choose and judge your leaders... those who seek always to limit the power of government are of good heart and conscience. those who seek to expand the power of government are base tyrants

the simplest way to describe a democracy is this: three people form a government, each having one vote. then two of them vote to steal the wealth of the third

arm bears

"you have the right to bear arms, you have the right to arm bears, what ever the hell you want to do!"

Robin Williams - a night at the met

gameboy

whilst home for the weekend, Bozza (that's Ros, to you) gave me (back) her gameboy pocket and games. and a gameboy printer, rock on! I got well into pokemon, and played for at least 2 hours solid last night ('til 1am).

then (and this is where I raise my voice in anger), having seen charmander evolve into charmeleon, and having caught a pikachu, I got stuck in a battle that was both unwinnable and unloseable! I had a level 15 oddish, and my opponent's last pokemon was also an oddish. I'd taught mine 'poisonpowder', but that only took 1 health point from the oddish at a time, and I ran out of them. the only move we then had was one which withdrew health and healed our respective oddish. so it was a stalemate.

there's no way to run from a trainer battle, so that was it. I had to restart my gameboy, and lost 2 and a half hour's work. the worst part is, if I'd have taken the 15 minutes pressing 'a' to see what happened when I couldn't fight any more, it might have been ok... grr.

spiderman dream

last night I dreamt...

that I was spiderman! except I got 'posessed' by venom, but instead of that simply causing me to wear a black spiderman suit, it made me look like a children's cartoon. a bit of a cross between a pokemon, pacman and kirby (the eyes). I was a yellow blob, anyway...

in order to try and 'cure' myself, I headed over to the mansion in which the villain lived. as I made my way there, I saw a golf course. on it, many kirbys were being hit about with golf clubs (like in kirby golf, except they were person-sized). so were other cartoons, including a horse. he didn't look too happy about it...

I don't remember much else, except entering a jacuuzi, where there were little compartments at the side where sugar secretly flowed out and into the water. the dastardly villain! I also remember being there with 2 friends, and not being entirely sure if they were in a right state of mind, or were being controlled in order to lure me into some evil trap.the dream then fizzled out, the end.

whales

my 'little' sister is currently working on an r.e project on whaling... I offered to help her, saying:

Bozza, did you know - you know when they catch a whale, they have to find out how much meat is on it... they work out it's b.m.i (that's body mass index) to see how much it's worth. anyway, did you know, the place where they do that
- where they measure its weight -
is called a whale-weigh station...

she believed me for a second

competition time

here's the competition... dad bought these letters to name our boat:
i (x2)
p (x2)
f (x1)
l (x1)
any ideas? answers on a postcard to: blue peter, 2a crescent rd, ip1 2ex

the winner will recieve 12p, sent to me from "Sister Michaela", in terrible poverty in guatemala

also, do you remember those 'cool' kids who were always the ones to try "will you lend me 20p" on you..? one tried it to me today at felixstowe, so I shouted back "of course I don't have 20p! if I did, I'd have a zippy by now!" and walked off. the couple after me won zippy. *fuming*

dreams 6th April

last night's remembered dream:

there was a murder. we were all sat in a big hall, and 4 shots were fired. I saw the man who I presumed was the murdered with a colt 45 as the 4 shots were fired. for some reason, in the panic, no-one else realised it was him, so we had to go through the lengthy process of combing the building... starting with the row of seminar-aligned chairs at the back, one of us (I think it was me. or a woman) made our way to the front, section by section. well, I went 2 sections by two sections, but still... the floow was sectioned like a freshly mowed lawn, see. under the grand piano at the front left, I spotted a box of lego. that's it! I cried to the detectives - there's your evidence! It turned out, that in the box was a lego pirate ship, which - when you jumped onto it, came to life. but only to the person jumping onto it, not to everyone else watching. it was kind of like a video game, and the pirates on the ship were very violent. they threw me off the first time, but before I hit that water I was back in 'reality'. they also killed a lot of the people looking at the ship, presuming them to be villains, but actually, they accidentally killed a lot of innocent people. I remember thinking that the amount of blood I saw was not suitable for a child's computer game. the dream concluded as a group of people were discussing the ethics behind games in which reality was twisted. who could be blamed for the killing of all those innocent people? lego pirates? the person who jumped onto the lego pirate ship? surely not... maybe this was one of those areas in life where, in the words of sir Robert Winston, "our human curiosity should forever remain unsatisfied".

traffik

find out more

jokes and dreams

jokes:

why is there no ibuprofen in the jungle?
because the parrots-eat-em-all

there was a snail, who wanted to buy a car. so he went to his local snail-car-dealership, picked out a nice cheap brown one to match his shell and asked the dealer "do you spray lettering?". "yes" the dealer replied, "we do. what would you like sprayed on the car?" "the letter 's'" replied the snail. "just the letter s, why would you want that?" asked the dealer. "simple" replied the snail, "so that when I speed past people, they'll say 'look at that s-car-go!'"

dreams:

in one dream I had recently, I was living in a slum. it wasn't a terrible slum, just the poor crowded flats in a run-down tower block where polish migrant workers are probably made to live. anyway, living there - there was a cat burglar. I met him at one point, and he told me he was the world's greatest cat burglar. I though that rather defeated the object. anyway, he really got my goat when I found he had been breaking and entering into people's apartments without asking. he even broke into one where there was this tree I was planning to build the best treehouse ever in, and proceeded to wrap it in barbed wire, which he stuffed into a plug and plugged into a socket in the wall. fortunately it didn't actually electrocute anyone, so he got away with it, but I was still mighty peeved. not only did he do that, but he also stole things. not big things, but things that people wouldn't notice, like cable adaptors etc. it wasn't so much that he'd inconvenienced me, just the morals of it all! shocker.

in another dream, I attended mcf (my old church). they were meeting back in a room that looked like mendlesham village hall, but actually was a whole complex and there were rooms elsewhere. I went with a friend and her family, but the main hall was full, so we had to go to the 'overflow room', which consisted of an empty room with a flatscreen telly showing what was going on. fortunately someone I already knew had saved me a seat in the main hall. anyway, there then proceeded to be a big performance in which steve and duncan spoke like they were announcing a wrestlemania contest, and gigantic (fake, fabric) flames raged behind them. there was a sermon, though, in which win fenning stood up in the congregation and preached. from what I remember, it was alright. my friend and her family were scared a bit by the rottweilers/german shepherds in the overflow section though. poor souls.

thus endeth probably the longest post I've written. couldn't be bothered to make two posts out of it, see. 'night!

wikipedia

"april 2007 is a common month and is the fourth month of that year. it began on a sunday and will end after thirty days on a monday"

anger

last week at the pub quiz:

_man:

"which children's novel featured the characters tweedledum and tweedledee?"

_team:

"alice in wonderland"

_me:

"no, it was alice through the looking glass"

_{[argument ensues, I give in]}

today I realised I was right all along. even the pub quiz man was wrong. I was so angry I thought I'd blog about it

imagine

click here to listen to a song from bbc's 'the now show' on friday

Ipswich

Ipswich, the best town in the country? Maybe. It’s well good.

—-

There's a nice little café called Jacey's near the Buttermarket, where I once queued for food. I remember hearing The Beatles (late 60’s period), but I don't know that it was there. I ordered my food and from his mouth comes the most normal accent ever. I am not dead! I am living in Ipswich. And one day will be 30 to 40 years old. Or more likely I will be struck by lightning. I do a fairly good Scouse accent, but sound a bit like Lily Savage, and really regret it.

—-

Rich: “I’m going into town, do you want anything?”
Me: “Market?”
Rich: “YES.”

—-

The Ipswich Museum is pretty much the British Museum, Natural History Museum, V&A and Science Museum all rolled into one with the good bits removed (and replaced with the contents of a taxidermy). Which I think summarises all of Ipswich, it’s small enough that you don’t have room to throw things around all over the place, and you can’t say “oh, we need to have more venues out in Zone 4” because there is no Zone 4. In Ipswich, there’s no room for turning your car in the street, or even dumping rubbish there. It’s a good town.

when you know what they mean...

on the Ipswich freecycle website...

offered: a bin bag full of boys 6-mnths to 18mnths

more dreams

last night, in my dream, I was reading the secret garden (I think)...

I then proceeded to dream that our house (in Wetheringsett) was burning down, and had been set on fire by a tall, skinny man with a white beard. My godson and his mum, as well as all my family and Dave Pepper were in the house at the time.

fortunately we all escaped, and even had time to rescue a few simple things like sofas etc. We didn't rescue the light blue one though, 'cos it wasn't worth it. only Jean from next door came to see how we were doing that night. *sigh*

in another dream, I dreamt that I totally flipped when someone told me the washing up I'd done wasn't good enough. if you were planning to tell me that, feel free to - it was just a dream!



recipe of the day: chocolate spread toasties. taste like pain au chocolat!

what is DST? (part 1: my diary)

diary
today, I discovered that not only was my diary missing my birthday this year, but it also seems to think that daylight savings time begins this sunday (1st). I would actually be quite happy with that, having managed to forget that it began last week...

or maybe my diary and I were right all along, and everyone else has made one gigantic error...


also, check out this picture that Becky sent me in an email... nice

marilyn manson

discover'd: marilyn manson is nothing more than an inverted black and white minstrel. a scary black and white minstrel, but a black and white minstrel nonetheless.

a minstrel walks into a bar,
but the barman tells him:
"get out, ya barred!"

_{phil's 5-a-day:}

• _{two mugs of hot chocolate (2 portions of cocoa)}


• _{one cheese and onion pasty (1 portion of onion, 1 portion of cheese - which comes from milk from cows who eat grass - a plant, 1 portion of pasty - which is made with flour of the wheat variety - a plant)}


• _{several rich tea biscuits (1 portion of biscuit - which is made with flour of the wheat variety - a plant)}

best church service ever

this morning, I awoke in good time, had a shower, then found as I left the house that it was 10:33, and the service starts at 10:30. this wasn't too bad at all, though, as they usually start a little bit late...

I turned up, and was somewhat surprised at how full it was - but then I usually arrive in good time.

I was shown to a seat, where I stood as one song was sung. then was the church notices, and I thought "that's a remarkably short amount of singing, hurrah".

and then was the sermon, and I thought - this is going to be a good service; less 'blah, blah, blah', more God. that's when I realised I'd missed an hour of church 'cos the clocks had changed. winner...

everyone should try once

something everyone should try once:

eating marmite straight from the jar, using your finger

advice:

take care not to get marmite on the join between your fingers. it's sticky

manslaughter

remember, you can't spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'

more dreams

this was a dream I had aages ago, but had forgotten about...

from this dream, I remember very little. except for one line, in which a character said a long word I didn't understand. I asked them what it meant, to which they replied "it's your dream, and you don't know. so I don't know." weird...

I'm also curious, does anyone else have the recurring dream of being able to breathe underwater..? it usually occurs in my dreams when I'm being chased/pursued, or there seems no way out of a violent situation, so I dive into the water, and hold me breath. it soon becomes evident, however, that I don't need to hold my breath, I can just breathe underwater, and I think "I forgot I could breathe underwater. that's a relief". I wonder what this means...

also, happy birthday neil!

dreams

two dreams I've had lately...

in the first, my pirate friend and I were in rival chinese gangs. we didn't choose to be, it just ended up that way, because we lived in different catchment areas, I guess... it became scary when the two gangs filed past each other on a high-up rope bridge at one stage, although I didn't get wounded. I was even more scared, when cooking a plate of spaghetti for myself, when I was forced by the gang leader/boss into being the chef for the whole gang. part of me wanted to throw my spaghetti in his face and yell "make your own spaghetti!", but I also wanted to live...

in the second (last night), I dreamt I was at a christian conference (or it could have been a church service). Either way, we were sat near the back on blue plastic school-style stacking chairs, and a friend of mine (I can't remember who, but if it was you and you remember being in my dream, do remind me) had invited her friend Britney Spears. I had an awesome chat with Britney Spears, explained how I'd been praying for her, and how I'd been really saddened to hear about the rough time she'd been going through at the moment. I think we really connected.

my own grandpa

it's good to know about second cousins, but how's this...

oh, many, many years ago
when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow
who was pretty as can be
this widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red
my father fell in love with her
and soon the two were wed

this made my dad my son-in-law
and changed my very life
for my daughter was my mother
'cause she was my father's wife
to complicate the matter
though it really brought me joy
I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy

this little baby then became
a brother-in-law to Dad
and so became my uncle
though it made me very sad
for if he was my uncle
then that also made him brother
of the widow's grown-up daughter
who of course is my step-mother

chorus
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
it sounds funny I know
but it really is so
oh, I'm my own grandpa

my father's wife then had a son
who kept them on the run
and he became my grandchild
for he was my daughter's son
my wife is now my mother's mother
and it makes me blue
because although she is my wife
she's my grandmother too

now if my wife is my grandmother
then I'm her grandchild
and every time I think of it
it nearly drives me wild
for now I have become
the strangest case you ever saw
as husband of my grandma
I am my own grandpa

[chorus]

more quotes

following in the tradition of fight club quotes:

our fathers were our models for God. if our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?

...and from a book I'm reading:

[on abraham...] he had everything, but he posessed nothing. there is the spiritual secret^[1]

_{1. I don't like the phrase "spiritual secret", but you get the idea}

*grin*

since I last posted, the weather has improved (in my books). as I walked to the bank to pay in the £330 raised by eight young people for comic relief, I had gallons of snow a-falling on my cold, cold head. hurrah!

_{also, I can't believe I'm blogging about the weather}

*sigh*

today, the weatherpeople men said it would snow lots. allegedly. actually, they just said wintery showers, and it is both cold and wet. you win weather

pointless prophecy

ok people, a few weeks ago i was thinking about the best game show to recreate in my workplace and then to revive on tv, which is of course supermarket sweep! and what did i see today on television on my break at work? supermarket sweep! with dale winton!

everything was how i remember it:
inflatable prizes
stack the tins
managers special
dales dash (insert joke here)
dale winton's campness
pic and mix bags
the immortal catchphrase: "when your at the checkout and the hear the beep... think of all the fun you could be having on supermarket sweep!"

is this possibly one of the best gameshows of all time?

kev's alphabet

a b c b e f b h i j k l m n o b q r s b u b w x y b

kev on 'supposably':

supposedly, supposably, what does it matter?
it's just different letters

ant mcpartlin

today, before 10am, I saw 2 people who looked like ant mcpartlin and one who was the spitting image of gareth verow

late night shoppings

after the platform meeting and subsequent trip to pub, we decided on a spur of the moment (nothing to do with alcohol) that we would go late night shopping at my pitiful rival, asda. it was possibly the worst shop (if you want to call it that) i have ever seen. however after a canter round, i ended up buying a sandwich and a drink for me and super 70's (tom selleck style) shades for gareth. for this i (indirectly) blame gareth for me setting off the alarm because idiots at checkouts forgot about security type things. i had to show them where it was. enough said.
all was well after this, as we settled back at phils place to finish watching 'lock stock' from last we were there.

thank you asda, you've ruined my life.
allegedly.

yay, avril!

workplace definition of irony...

how's this for irony, member of staff goes sick for a whole week after getting hit in the head. when i first heard i was worried for him... until i was informed he had been hit on the head by... the accident report book falling off a shelf! hilarious laughter ensues. by all. your 'injury' gives way to your permanent embarrasment and mocking! IN YOUR FACE!

at least he could report his 'injury' quickly...

roger

birthday greetings

I was away. but now I'm back, and nineteen.

also, someone sent me a book - and in it...

Current evangelicalism has... laid the altar and divided the sacrifice into parts, but now seems satisfied to count the stones and rearrange the pieces with never a care that there is not a sign of fire upon the top of lofty Carmel

maybe Aiden, maybe

the irish

"surely the irish are only the welsh that could swim when those english lot invaded our sacred celtic nation..."

some guy on the bbc website

the next comment down on that website is funny, too

conversation with an album cover

phil: are you a witch?

yoko

pirate

mark took this photo.
yay, pirate folk!

magazines

actually, it depends on the question^[1]







"we sort out your relationships and hugh grant". I was sadly disappointed by the contents. no photos of broken bones and bloody noses - or anything! am tempted to get my money back from a homeless person...


_{1. i.e. "what is it called when you kill yourself?"}

poem

she never said she loved me
she never said I was cute
but I suppose if that was the problem
I should never have dated a mute

feminism

imagine if all feminism was was women in short-skirted uniform with pom-poms chanting:

"give me a 'W'!"
"give me an 'O'!"
"give me an 'M'!"
"give me an 'E'!"
"give me an 'N'!"
"what does it spell..?!"
"women!"
"go women go!"

imagine that...

life etc

how annoyingly confusing are life, love and laundry settings

but with all 3; set to 'D' and pray

superman vs tigger

on a discussion over who would win in the above fight:
person 1: "tigger can bounce"
person 2: "yeah, but superman can fly, hover, lazers out of his eyes, freezing breath, strength..."
person 1: "oh yeah, and spidey powers"
person 2: "spidey powers?"
person 1: "yeah, you know" *does the hand gesture*

oh dear. oh very dear

two pictures

home vs home

home
snacking
working tv remote
scrabble
dog
internet
family

home:
my stuff
my bed
cd player/music
gas fire
'town'
pirate-ing

almost makes you proud to work there

check this out guys, best tannoy announcement ever!
i laughed for about 10 minutes solid!

dog

I went sledding and got bitten by a dog. it was this big *gestures with 1 hand*. how embarassing

on the best way to die...

"either being martyred, or...
jumping on a mine to save some kids or something"

anon.

think about it...

snow day

today is a snow day. this means that for some reason you don't question the fact that you just saw a group of kids off school, walking through town with a body board.










here's a picture I took a while back...

fruit and veg

how many of your 5 a day did you eat today?

I had an apple

kettles

why do kettles make boiling sounds so long before they boil? is it a ploy by kettle-makers to make you think it's faster than it actually is..?

_{also, today I am the happiest I've ever been, ever}

the nazi question

some nazi hacker's changed the homepage of a friend's football team, felixstowe trades labour club fc to say lots of bad things, e.g:

"everything is the fault of the jews"*

what do you think? is this a strong enough argument for censorship, or not?

for some youtube comedy on nazis, click here. thanks mark


_{*that was a quote, don't forget}

the streets

"the streets are just a chav who's been given a keyboard for christmas and is talking over the demo tunes"

rev. ben askew

kev*

Sender:
kev hartwell
+447*********

Sent:
30-Jan-2007
23:37:01

Have you seen the
blog? We have 3
comments in the
same day!

that's right Kev. we rule.


_{*for those who didn't know - kev and I are now co-blogging}

what is the world coming to?

Where fellow felines bully each other. a cat needs an 'anger management' course. mr blobby had a career. what does a 'cat cousellor' do anyway? say 'there, there, im here now, I cant help unless you tell me?'

more ridiculous twaddle from people who get paid tonnes to 'talk to the animals' and give them what is probably paracetamol and granulated sugar.

dear oh dear....

this is what happens when Anglicans are allowed tothink for themselves:
u2-charist

someone please confirm its not 1st april...

also I am now alligning myself with Phil as new guest author, so if you dont like what I have to say, comment about it and we look popular anyway! win-win situation!

also: why did the mushroom go the party? because he's a fungi!

blood diamond

I saw this film on saturday night, and it was so good that if you can't afford to go and see it - or would otherwise not go and see it simply on my reccomendation, I'll pay for you to.

• if you're a christian, you really ought to see it for the incredible picture of God that it paints (it's not about God)

• if you know me, you really ought to see it because it all revolves around my 'home' and its neighbouring country.

for more info, click here
if you need money or more convincing, email me

predictive text

following the nice link from mark about 'book' being the new 'cool', here's an excerpt from a text I recieved today - see if you can spot the predictive text error...

"do u want me 2 spank u when we r outside?"^[1]

_{1. the correct answer is 'prank'}

pro's

a local minister, playing a poor game of pool with a young person. one guy watching says with sarcasm:

"you two look like pro's"

to which he replies:

"prostitutes?! this isn't snooker!"

256MB mp3 player, £4.97

wow... well done kev and tesco!

all your base

roses are red

roses are red
violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
and so am I

my pictures

today I drew some pictures.
the top 2 are to illustrate how little
civilisation has advanced since ninjas



















the bottom 2 are just for fun

lazy helen

helen is lazy.

_{and a pirate}

etymological dreaming

occasionally my best inspiration happens in dreams. last night was almost one of those nights. I dreamt the best joke in the whole world up...

all I remember is it involved 3 wise men, and was the caption to a cartoon I was frantically trying to create from old christmas cards before I forgot it... no such luck

points to whoever jogs my memory in this matter. and what do points mean..?^[1]

I also woke up with the word 'etymology' in my head, but I've forgotten what it means. oh, wait - google says:

study of the sources and development of words;
a history of a word

_{1. poultry}